A Mother's Confession

On starting my blog I always wanted it to be a place for me to vent, to get down my thoughts and experiences as a new mum. Over time my blog has evolved and I love how varied and broad the topics are now. I got into a really good flow of posting 2-3 posts every week, but lately you may have noticed the lack of posts, this comes from a lack of motivation, which stems from what I'm currently dealing with in my personal life. I don't even know if this is something I should be 'broadcasting' on my blog, but at the same time I want this to be a place where I can do just that, in hopes that someone somewhere will be able to relate, and I'll find the support I need to help me get through it...

When I was growing up I always thought about the future and had a vision of what my life would be. In those daydreams I never thought I'd get to this point, I guess I had rose tinted glasses on of how simple and easy life would be. Being in the situation I'm now facing is far from what I wanted, but one of my mottos is do what makes you happy, and I've been unhappy now for far too long. As much as I'm a resilient person, it starts to take its toll and I can see myself becoming a shadow of my true self...

What I'm trying to say is that, I've been unhappy in a relationship for way too long. There may be parents who feel the same and will do everything in their power to keep their family together, they may get engaged, have more children in hopes that it will improve the turbulent relationship but potentially waste 25 years of their life being miserable with the wrong person and end up bitter, jaded and full of regret. And that's not how I envision my life to be either.

Maybe I'm selfish for blaming my unhappiness on someone else, maybe I'm a bad mother for wanting to split with my child's father, but in my own life experience and observations, it's much better to lead by example, showing to myself but also my son that you don't have to stay in a bad and love-less relationship; you can change your situation, you're the creator of your life and can improve your circumstances. Sometimes life doesn't work out the way you envisioned, or to society's standards, but you have to find your own happiness, and if that means being alone, leaving someone you're just not compatible with and discovering what you really want from life, than that's okay. Be brave. Discover your passions and attract positivity.

I do feel like a hypocrite because I'm usually a huge advocate of inner happiness... loving yourself and not letting it others control your emotional wellbeing, but when every day is a battle, creating your own happiness becomes a real chore rather than an attitude.

If you've got to this point still thinking wtf is she on about, I'm going through a break up. An emotionally challenging time of my life that's been the consequence of months of unhappiness, and that's why my blog has stalled. It is still early days and I don't want to rush anything. I want to create a stable and positive environment for my son and as adults we will be courteous and amicable to each other in hopes to share the parent responsibility as equally as possible. I hope to soon find a new lease of life, cleanse my aura and get back to business again. But for now I can't commit to amazing blog content that I'm proud of when my head is full of fog.

So that's my confession I guess, now that it's written down I can start to process it, but also a confession to the world (okay my friends, family and readers) that this is my situation, this is the hand I've been dealt and I'm going to do my best to make the most of it. I was hoping by writing it down it would make me feel better, and it absolutely has. So here's to being brave, breaking the mould and shaping myself into a strong, independent woman that destiny's child would be proud of. For now, I don't really know what else to say except, please single parent club, welcome me with open arms and a gin and tonic. 

P.S this is no way a dig at the person in question, it's just my honest account and a confession of how I'm feeling and what I'm going through. My blog is a place for me to share my lifestyle and sometimes it's not as perfect and edited as I make it to be, and that's why I want to share it, I want to be honest and real..