as a woman, having a baby is not only one of the most wonderful, satisfying and rewarding life experiences you'll ever go through, it's also a massive emotional struggle.. in many ways.
the one thing i still find hard to deal with is the mental battle of my physical appearance post-birth.
when you're pregnant, you realise your body is changing, your boobs get bigger and your hips get wider and your bump gets bigger every week and thats fine because you're growing another human being inside you (i still find this hard to wrap my head around sometimes, even now). for many of us during pregnancy, we're blessed with a radiant glow, massive hair growth, nail growth and an excuse to put your feet up anytime. but there are also massive side effects like the infamous swelling of hands and fingers, possible acne, wild crazy emotions and lets not mention what goes on in the nether regions. yet all of this seems easier to deal with at the time because it's only temporary, 9 months to be exact. but that's just the thing, the physical change is not temporary, it's permanent. i almost feel like that's something everyone forgets to mention. i don't think i was prepared for my body to change forever. that probably seems a little silly to some of you reading this because i guess that's what I signed up for but..
i lived with my previous body all my life, i was just getting comfortable with it. i knew every lump and bum. every knobbly and wobbly bit. i'd accepted that was the one i was going to spend quite a lot of time with. it hadn't (for some reason) occurred to me that every part of that was going to change forever. the lumps and bumps that were once curvy now have dropped. the once smooth skin now has stripes of a tiger. the pretty neat looking belly button (with the just noticeable piercing scar) now sits in an odd shape. and although it's been a year and a half now post-birth and i've accepted my hips are wider and my chest is broader and my boobs will never be a C cup again, i still don't recognise the body i look down on.
of course i wouldn't change the fact that i've had a baby, the whole experience was one of the best of my life and Corben fills me with more happiness than i could ever describe. but, it's taking me a while to accept that my body isn't my body anymore, it was our body and now it's a new body. one i've got to learn to love in every way all over again. i will learn the moulds and curves and bumps just like the last one. maybe i should see it as shedding my skin, metaphorically. a rebirth, literally. a reminder of the old me, a toast to the new me and a sweet memory of where my bump used to be.
Labels: body, image, postbirth, postpartum, self