being an adult

when do we become 'grown ups'. i look at the people in my life; friends, acquaintances, the people i once knew and we all seem to be becoming respectable adults. we either have babies, houses, jobs.. some are even engaged to be married, all of this seems like adult behaviour right? definitely things 'grown ups' do, but i, myself still don't feel like a grown up. yes i've become a parent and i'll be putting a deposit down on a flat with the father of my child, but when i look in the mirror i still don't see a grown up. i feel like becoming an adult should be a bit more official, as if i should take part in some eastern cultures ritual to mark the end of childhood, but instead here i am on the verge of 21 and the line between becoming an 'adult' is in site yet also blurred.

i still have a child-like wander in me that i don't want to see fade away. most of us still have a fire within us that thrives on laughter & fun - unfortunately with age comes seriousness and with responsibility comes worry. i don't want to wake up in ten years with more worries, more responsibilty, less laughter and dozens of wrinkles to show for it. i don't want to become a grown up and in turn forget what it's like to be a child..

i watch Corben every day.. he can play with a hoover for hours, he slams his hand down on a table and is amazed by the loud sound it makes. his mind is pure & his curiosity is wild. i hope when he becomes a 'grown up' he never loses that curiosity. i hope he looks at everything with the wander and possibility that i see in his eyes now, because when i see people, other 'grown ups', that fire seems to have burnt out. maybe it's because we never got enough time to play, maybe it's because in this current day and age people take things too seriously. we forget that we're only bigger versions of the children we once were. along the way we become too self-involved or too highly strung, forgetting that laughter & play will never be over-rated.
we've all spent our youth wishing we were older, wishing we had more responsibility, we wished it away and now we find ourselves as grown ups pining for our youth. i look back on it as time washes over the memories. but what i say is don't leave childhood in the past, i'm going to keep that inner child alive. each day i will find ways to enjoy life, i'll be as fearless as i was at age 7, i'll keep that fire burning and make the most of every oppurtunity - to laugh, to travel, to live, to grow.

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