when i grow up


when i was a child, i remember frequently being asked what i wanted to be when i grew up, over the years it flitted from a ballet dancer, to a writer, an actress then a painter and at one point i'm sure i wanted to be a figure skater. evidently from the picture above i thought i was a fairy princess. well, as the years rolled by this question became less and less frequent, right up until this moment where i'm writing this post and wondering, when did people stop asking? why did they stop asking? is it no longer relevant now that i'm in a double figure age? do people assume once you reach 10 you have it all figured out? because i still don't. i'm just making it up as i go along! i didn't have it figured out when i was in school taking my GCSE's or even when i went to college to do an A-Level in Psychology along with other subjects. to this day i still have no idea what's in store for me and maybe now and then i still need someone to ask me what it is i want to be when i grow up.
i'm 20 years old and when i grow up i want to have the fierceness of Beyonce, the success of Lord Alan Sugar, the survival skills of Bear Grylls and the same outlook of life as Bob Marley. i want to have the courage of a firefighter and the creativity of an advertiser. i want to sail a boat and learn to drive. when i grow up i want to see the world and question everything in it.

 i hated being asked this as a child because what did i know at 8 years old? i wasn't like my friends who knew they'd be a nurse or sure they wanted to help animals. how was i supposed to know the person i'd be 10 years down the line. how was i supposed to know i'd drop out of 6th form? how was i supposed to know i'd have a baby and a family at 20 years old? you don't! nobody does - maybe apart from Mystic Meg. but that's the whole fun of it, this ride we're on. if we all knew the future we'd kill ourselves. that's why i think it's important to still ask yourself that question. it gives you a chance to re-evaluate. it allows you to question the path you're on and where you want to be.
the things i aspire to now are obviously much different to my young-spice-girl-wanna-be self, and that's okay because we never stop growing therefore our wants should always be changing with us.
when i'm 25, 30 and 40 years old i will still be moving towards some vision of myself or aspiring to be something better. it would be a sad sad life if i stopped doing that as it would mean i've stopped moving forward. i'm not stopping until i'm pushing up daisies.
the future is un-written
knowing that has always frightened me, yet pushed me to write the best possible story as i go along this winding road.
so what do you want to be when you grow up?

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